#44: Call to Heaven

A man decided to write a book about famous churches. He bought a plane ticket to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign reading "$10,000 per call".

The man, being intrigued, asked a priest strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the priest and went along his way.

The next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw a golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same telephone he had seen in Orlando, and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

He then traveled to Washington, D.c., Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Indianapolis. In every church he saw a golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign. The man decided to travel to the Midwest to see if those states had the same phone.

He arrived in Minnesota, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "40 cents per call." The man was surprised, and he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the East and South the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Minnesota now, son. It's a local call".

#39: Scottish Student

A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye, was living in the hall of residence during his first year.

After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "They're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop.

The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"

"Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"

"Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"

#34: Interview Q&A

“Tell me about the people at the organization you just left,” said the senior manager who was screening candidates to fill a key leadership role. “They were uneducated and lazy,” the candidate responded. “You always had to keep an eye on them because they were constantly trying to goof off or rip off the company. They were lousy communicators, resisted change, and only cared about themselves.” “That’s too bad,” replied the senior manager, “I am sorry to say that’s the same type of people you’ll find here. This doesn’t sound like a job you would enjoy.”

Once the next candidate was seated, she was asked the same question. “Oh, they were great,” she said. “Although many of them couldn’t read and we had some trouble communicating with each other, they were very driven to succeed. Once we all got to know each other, they were constantly helping one other and working together.” “Great,” the senior manager responded, “That’s the same type of people you’ll find here.”

#29: Collection Analyst

Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."

#17: Blind Golfers story

A clergyman, a doctor and a business consultant were playing golf together one day and were waiting for a particularly slow group ahead.

The business consultant exclaimed, "What's with these people? We've been waiting over half and hour! It's a complete disgrace." The doctor agreed, "They're hopeless, I've never seen such a rabble on a golf course." The clergyman spotted the approaching greenkeeper and asked him what was going on, "What's happening with that group ahead of us? They're surely too slow and useless to be playing, aren't they?"

The greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The three golfers fell silent for a moment.

The clergyman said, "Oh dear, that's so sad. I shall say some special prayers for them tonight." The doctor added, rather meekly, "That's a good thought. I'll get in touch with an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there's anything that can be done for them."

After pondering the situation for a few seconds, the business consultant turned to the greenkeeper and asked, "Why can't they play at night?"

#15: A Boy and Sea Creatures

A small boy was walking along a beach at low tide, where countless thousands of small sea creatures, having been washed up, were stranded and doomed to perish. A man watched as the boy picked up individual creatures and took them back into the water.

"I can see you're being very kind," said the watching man, "But there must be a million of them; it can't possibly make any difference."

Returning from the water's edge, the boy said, "It will for that one."

Story#6: Shepherd Story

A shepherd was tending his flock in a field, when a new sports car screeched to a stop on the road nearby in a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in expensive designer clothes and sunglasses, leans out of the window and shouts over to the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have here, can I take one?"

The shepherd looks up slowly up at the young man, then looks at his peaceful flock, and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The young man steps out of his car holding a state-of-the-art palmtop pda, with which he proceeds to connects to a series of websites, first calling up satellite navigation system to pinpoint his location, then keying in the location to generate an ultra-high resolution picture of the field. After emailing the photo to an image processing facility, the processed data is returned, which he then feeds into an online database, and enters the parameters for a report. Within another few seconds a miniature printer in the car produces a full colour report containing several pages of analysis and results. The young man studies the data for a few more seconds and returns to the shepherd.

"You have exactly one-thousand five-hundred and eighty-six sheep, including three rams, and seven-hundred and twenty-two lambs."

"That's right," says the shepherd, mildly impressed. "Well, I guess that means you get to take one of my sheep."

The young man makes his choice and loads the animal onto the back seat of his car, at which the shepherd says, almost as an afterthought, "Hey there, if I can tell you what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

The young man, feeling confident, agrees.

"You're a consultant," says the shepherd.

"Wow, that's right," says the young man, taken aback, "How did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answers the shepherd, "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You took a fee for giving me an answer that already know, to a question I never asked, and you know nothing about my business. Now give me back my dog."